Octagon-Side Doze Caps Off Own 80th Birthday UFC Spectacular

On the very night meant to honor both America's 250th anniversary and his 80th birthday, the President reportedly slipped into a serene slumber cage-side, separated from the action by mere chain-link. Witnesses say two fighters exchanged a flurry of blows inches away while the guest of honor exchanged a flurry of gentle breaths. Aides described the moment as 'a tactical recovery round.'

As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.