President Reportedly Bridges Gap Between Church, State, and Nap

As a distinguished commission presented its long-awaited report on the separation of church and state, witnesses say the President achieved a separation of his own — between consciousness and the meeting. The Commander-in-Chief's eyes reportedly drifted shut for several minutes while members spoke, prompting officials to insist he was merely engaged in 'prolonged, contemplative blinking.' Aides clarified he was 'building a bridge' — specifically, to dreamland.

As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.