
President Unveils 'Historic' $15 Billion Steel Plant, Then Personally Tests Its Load-Bearing Nap Capacity
Touting a $15 billion deal he called the largest steel plant in American history, the President welcomed Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, Energy Secretary Chris Wright, and a cluster of Mesabi Metallics executives to the Oval Office for a victory lap — then appeared to lap into a victory nap of his own. As Lutnick showered him with praise from mere inches away and Wright laid out the administration's industrialization agenda, cameras caught the Commander-in-Chief's eyes sinking shut and his head drooping forward, launching an immediate wave of 'he's out cold' commentary online. He roused himself in time to spar with a reporter's question, proving the deal was, if nothing else, historic enough to eventually wake up for.
Official Record
- Verdict
- PROBABLE
- Duration
- Multiple stretches during the praise and policy remarks
- Source
- A dozen news outlets and a room full of steel executives, all watching the same eyelids
As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.