President Unveils $54 Billion Alaska Gas Pipeline Deal, Briefly Pipelines Himself Offline

Flanked by Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, Interior Secretary Doug Burgum, Energy Secretary Chris Wright, and Alaska Sen. Dan Sullivan, the President touted a fresh $54 billion South Korean pledge toward the long-stalled Alaska LNG pipeline — a project decades in the making, briefly rivaled in duration by his own eyelids' commute shut. Clips circulating online showed his eyes drooping for several-second stretches as the Cabinet officials laid out the fine print, prompting one reporter on the scene to crack that he'd 'just woken up from his nap.' The fuller video shows him repeatedly blinking back open to field questions and spar with the press corps, leaving the footage more flicker than full REM. The White House maintains it was simply attentive blinking — evidently a gas project 54 billion dollars in the making is worth resting your eyes over.

As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.