At 25th Anniversary Pentagon Memorial, President Vows to Never Forget — Then Struggles to Stay Awake

Twenty-five years after 184 people were killed at the Pentagon, the President passed on Ground Zero to attend the solemn observance in Virginia — and then, by the accounts of multiple outlets, spent long stretches of it with his eyes closed. As the names of the fallen were read and a bell rang, and again as a military choir sang, his head was seen dipping and swaying while First Lady Melania Trump, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, and former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice remained visibly alert. Photos from the press riser more than an hour into the service showed him slumped in his chair, chin sinking toward his tie. Whether it was reverence or rest remains open to interpretation; the photographers, at least, stayed wide awake.

As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.