Vol. I · No. 1

America's Most Vigilant Nap-Tracking Authority

Is Trump Asleep?

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Witnesses Stunned by Apparent Vertical Nap at Rally
PROBABLE
File Photo
May 9, 2026Rally Stage, Outside Columbus

Witnesses Stunned by Apparent Vertical Nap at Rally

In a feat scientists are calling 'physically improbable,' the President allegedly fell asleep while standing, mid-applause, for an estimated four minutes. Supporters chanted louder, assuming it was a dramatic pause. It was not.

Official Record

Snooze-O-Meter67/100
Verdict
PROBABLE
Duration
~4 minutes
Source
Several confused balloons

As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.