President Achieves REM Sleep During Own Trade Speech

Eyewitnesses report the Commander-in-Chief delivered a powerful 45-minute address on tariffs, the final 31 minutes of which were conducted entirely with his eyes closed. Aides insist he was 'visualizing the economy.' A nearby microphone captured what analysts are calling 'world-class snoring diplomacy.'

As always: this is satire. The sighting above is fictional and invented for comedic effect. Read the full disclaimer.